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ARTHURLY METAPHORICALLY

In my early thirties (that dynamic tail end of the 1970s when Creem Magazine and my writing therein were really thriving), I developed a consuming interest in the books and life of novelist Henry Miller. I noted Miller’s comment that he had once been similarly obsessed with the life of poet Arthur Rimbaud, to the point that he would gladly have studied Rimbaud’s laundry lists if he could have gotten hold of them. I duly read Rimbaud on Miller’s recommendation, and found him interesting but not so compelling as Miller himself (sorry, Patti, you lost me on that, too.)

My interest in Miller gradually faded over the years, only to be replaced by an Arthurian-legend obsession worthy of Miller himself, not for lost-adolescent Rimbaud but for my own American & virtual contemporary, Love’s Arthur Lee. And now my long-time desire to study Lee’s figurative laundry lists has been answered in John Einarson’s Forever Changes: Arthur Lee and the Book of Love, the most intimate book yet of Lee’s life. This is the official Arthurian biography, authorized by his widow, Diane Lee. It follows the format of Einarson’s bios of Gene Clark and other musicians, with heavy reliance on long quotes from many of the people who knew and worked with the subject, organized into a chronological analysis of that life. But Einarson’s bio of Lee also has the bonus of passages from Arthur’s uncompleted autobiography, dictated to a friend in the years just prior to Lee’s 2006 death from leukemia. Arthur’s own words appear in italics in the text.

Reading Einarson’s biography had me thinking so deeply again about Arthur Lee’s amazing mind and creativity that as soon as I finished it, I had to have more, so I re-read our own Barney Hoskyns’ “Mojo Heroes” volume on Arthur. I don’t need to spend any time here relating Einarson’s, Hoskyns’, and their many interviewees’ comments on Arthur’s absolute musical genius; we already have a consensus there, but reading these bios reminded me once more of his comparable abilities as a wordsmith. I’m not a musician myself, I’m a mere writer, and from that perspective, I can tell you authoritatively, Arthur Lee was THE REAL THING.

The last few years of my day-job “career” with the Ohio Department of Human Services (i.e., state welfare department), I nursed a low-level anger at that system, as Bill Clinton had just handed over the entire US welfare program to Newt Gingrich and the neocons on a silver platter, in the name of “reform,” and the Reaganite then heading Ohio’s department was initiating all sorts of anti-recipient right-wing-fetish regulations. We’d just been issued personal computers to do our own paperwork, and we discovered the DIY screensaver program installed thereon, which I soon used for my own bit of passive resistance. On a bright blue background, I placed white letters endlessly scanning two of my alltime-favorite quotes from the world of rock’n'roll across my screen: Bob Dylan’s “To live outside the law you must be honest,” and Arthur Lee’s “The good humor man he sees everything like this.”

I took Dylan’s line (from “Absolutely Sweet Marie”) as a basic admonition to maintain existentialism; I wasn’t an “outlaw” (especially not in the sense of Arthur Lee, then sitting in a California prison on that trumped-up “Three Strikes” conviction), but I certainly wasn’t a part of the capitalist-evangelical coalition trying to take over my America. And the Lee quote (actually a stand-alone song title from Forever Changes rather than a sung lyric, in his perverse don’t-understand-me-too-quickly tradition) struck me as a sarcastic warning always to keep my eyes open, however low my profile. And, as a writer, I loved the rhythm Arthur’s optional “he” gave to the line. I doubt that my surly screensaver slogans had any effect on ODHS management; in fact, a bunch of us received generous retirement buyouts in 1998 as another aspect of “welfare reform.” I took mine, all the while cynically assuming it was at least in part a move to clean house of us liberals who’d joined the system during its Great Society assertiveness. After all, I was a good humor man, I could see everything like this.

What I love so much about Arthur Lee’s verbal compositions is not just the absolute precision of his word choices and metrical scans, but the way he often injects so much (intentionally) sarcastic humor into his most intense observations, as with the song title above. Every time I play Arthur’s Vindicator solo album, I laugh my head off again at two of the greatest song titles in the history of r’n'r: “You Can Save up to 50% but You’re Still a Long Ways from Home”, and “You Want Change for Your Re-Run”. The former’s virtually a throwaway in the Lee canon as a song, not much longer than the title itself, but Oh the existential (and, in my polarized mind, anti-conservative) sarcasm of that title! And is Arthur talking about Forever-type Changes in “You Want Change for Your Re-Run”? Probably, you can’t hold on to anything, even your greatest album, forever. But the title also gives me a droll picture of some dooboid hippie cluck receiving coins in change after he’s blindly purchased yet another soundalike album at ye old record store, and as soon as I think of that I’m howling with mirth again. Yes, Arthur, yes!

I guess I feel a need to assert my belief in Arthur Lee as a master of language now both because of the wonderful examples cited above, and to answer his late Love bandmate Bryan MacLean, who’s quoted in Barney Hoskyns’ Lee book, “You have to understand that Arthur’s lyrics and music were all stream-of-consciousness. I worked on my songs, I constructed them, but he didn’t write that way. ‘The snot has caked against my pants’ came out . . . and stayed! [Laughs.] He had a brilliant mind, but his biggest problem was trying to be hip. He was too hip for words. He talked like a 1940s jazz musician.” Well, Bryan, as it happens, Arthur’s biological father, Chester Taylor, was a 1940s jazz musician, so maybe there was something organic at work there.

And Elektra’s Jac Holzman has said he always witnessed Arthur working hard on his lyrics and wanting them to be good, but maybe Arthur’s method of lyrical composition involved more stream-of-consciousness inspiration (the one you quote, from “Live and Let Live”, is another of my turns-into-crystal Arthurian gems) than your laborious constructions. His lines have so many perfectly inevitable word choices and rhythms that they must have formed deep in his commanding mind. Arthur himself cites his verbal priorities in one of his passages in Einarson’s book: “The only thing I got out of school that did me any good in my career was learning to spell and read, so I could write these songs.” Yes! once more, Arthur. And Bryan, I’m eternally glad your “Orange Skies” and “Alone Again Or” and your showtunes influence all made their way into the Love canon, but all the listening I’ve done to your and to Arthur’s songs over the years has me convinced that on balance, he had the edge on you both as a musician and as a lyricist.

I could probably go on with thousands more words on this topic, but I’ll get out of here with a nod to Arthur Lee’s verbal facility in everyday conversation. I’ve always been amused by the Lee quote in Hoskyns’ book about his first experience hearing his pal Nooney Rickett’s band (which Arthur characteristically soon appropriated as his own) in 1968: “And here this four-piece group was. They were as loud as fuck.” I’ve chuckled over Arthur’s simile for years; how do you quantify that? But when I finally caught Love live for the first (and only) time in my life, at Cleveland’s Beachland Ballroom in October 2004, they were without their European tours’ strings and horns, so they were playing hard garage rock much like they must have sounded at Bido Lito’s back in 1965, and when Arthur Lee, Johnny Echols, Mike Randle, and Rusty Squeezebox were all wailing away on their guitars at the same time, they were LOUD AS FUCK! You’d given us the perfect word one more time, Arthur!

Flash Fiction (The Extended Version)

He was beginning to wonder whether it had been a good idea to get involved with this real estate “reality” show. He’d lived in his starter home nineteen years already, and had everything in it arranged to his liking, but property values had jumped in his area recently, and there was a chance he could sell for a large profit now. This young Englishwoman from the show would guide him through preparing his house for the market. She’d turned out to be a cheeky bird, flouncing around in her miniskirts and black tights, yet insisting his house had to be made as conservative in appearance as possible. The royal blue (his favorite color!) exterior paint would have to be covered with beige, she ordered, while his collection of record albums was too much “clutter,” and would have to be replaced with an “efficient” iPod. The 1950′s-era turquoise & coral Formica countertops in his kitchen were “much too overwhelming,” per the Limey lass, and cold grey granite was called for now. But she’d lost him for good when she’d called his bright chartreuse, yellow, and scarlet chalkware parrot wall decorations “kitsch-on-steroids” — that was it! She was obviously preparing to sell his house to some nitwit who thought a crown molding (Good lord!) was high style. He sat down at his computer and typed out his manifesto: “Dear Ms. Allsopp: I am breaking my contract to have my house featured on your show. I find your lowest-common-denominator approach to house design repulsive, and your criticisms of my color choices and furnishings have only made me appreciate them more. I’ve decided to stay here, so there will be no house to sell anyway. Sue me if you like, but in the meantime, you should return to your native England and put your talents to work redesigning the country estate of a certain Mrs. Thatcher. She ‘s currently trying to attract a ghost named ‘Ronald’ into her little love nest, and as he had certain . . . uh, cognitive difficulties in his earthly life, a bland, non-challenging environment is a must for making him feel comfortable there. Beige, beige, and more beige will work wonders with him. Go for it! Yours sincerely, Mr. R.M.R. (And the parrots stay!)”

What radio SHOULD be (no iPod needed)

Actual playlist sequence heard on “The Real Mary Peale Show” on WNKU (Northern Kentucky University NPR station) this afternoon, while I was tooling around Cincy on the first day of spring:

“I’m Waiting for the Man” — Velvet Underground
“Here Comes the Night” — David Bowie
“Trash” — New York Dolls
“My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down” — Ramones
“American Ruse” — MC5
“God Save the Queen” — Sex Pistols
“Teacher Teacher” — Rockpile

Yes!!!

JOURNEY: Not “Super”, nor anything like it . . .

Back in December, I kidded Simon Warner on here about his entry celebrating (in a measured way) the continual rebirth of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” as a populist anthem of sorts, and I cited Graham Parker’s “Passion Is No Ordinary Word” as a song I’d prefer to hear over Journey any day.  Thus I got a real kick this month when I discovered on Graham Parker’s (newly-refurbished) website that he’d boycotted watching the final episode of The Sopranos “out of spite,” to avoid “having to stomach a Journey tune.” All right! Another reason you’re still my hero, Chairman Parker . . .

In the meantime, however, I’d gotten my comeuppance in a way that almost made “Don’t Stop Believin’” sound better. Around Christmas, Christ Hospital here in Cincinnati began running a TV commercial for its services, often timed to interrupt the dinnertime news broadcasts we analog types insist on following. The theme song of this commercial is a chirpy, wimpy chorus of otherwise-adult men intoning, “Give a little bit, give a little bit of my life for you!”

Ugh! I knew I’d hated that song in a past life, when it was a hit on our radio, but I couldn’t think WHO it was. I ran through my mind’s usual suspects, all the terminally-dire bands from Air Supply to Bread, but none of them seemed to fit precisely.  It was time for a lyric search via the Miracle of Google, and in a few seconds I had my quarry, the most abject “rock” band of all time for my money, SUPERTRAMP! Oh, how I loathed their sound back in the day! Admittedly I’m not a fan of prog in general, but Supertramp were so sub-prog to my ears, they almost made Asia or even Jethro Tull(!) seem doable.

Supertramp strike me as some sort of Monty Python skit inflicted upon us hapless Colonials; they sound like a chorus of developmentally-disabled inmates recruited from Her Majesty’s Royal Asylum for Incurable Twits. Blimey! Can any of our English readers explain if there’s anything at all redeeming about Supertramp?!? Do they sound better somehow in the Old Country? I’ll admit that their Breakfast in America album had a neat cover concept, and I think a local acquaintance of mine even bought it for that reason, but I had no intention of going anywhere near the music I knew I’d find inside.

Each time I think the Christ Hospital commercial has finally tramped its course, it comes burbling out of our kitchen tube once more, making me sick enough (ironically) to crave an actual Journey side in its place. I need to remind the hospital (where our daughter was born, no less) that they were supposed to have long since taken an oath to First, do no harm!

The Last Metroland

I’m only about thirty years late in doing so, but I’d like to express my great appreciation for Julian Barnes’s 1980 novel Metroland.  It’s likely already familiar to our English friends on this blog, but I’ve just read it for the first time after having seen the second half of the 1997 movie version on Sundance Channel.  Ironically, I missed the first part as I was watching the eternal Casablanca, probably for the twentieth time, on Turner Classic Movies.  The older movie promised me that I’d always have Paris, but when it ended, I switched over to Sundance to see what was on, and found myself right in the middle of the frantic Paris of 1968, no less, where a young English guy (just about my age at the time) is involved in a passionate affair with a French woman he’s met while studying there. 

Christopher loses his virginity and many of his adolescent illusions in his affair with Annick, though they break up rather soon, and eventually he marries an English woman, Marion, whom he’s also met in that fateful Paris of 1968.  Their 1970′s marriage is happy, but this in turn causes alienation between Chris and his old friend Toni, who’s an attenuated hippy still looking for things to rebel against, and who thinks Chris has sold out to the bourgeois community of Metroland, the outerbelt suburbs of London. 

I was excited enough just by the second half of the Metroland movie to want to read the novel on which it was based, and my public library obliged me.  I found myself identifying even more with Christopher’s persona in the novel, as that same “bourgeois” question had haunted me in the early ’70s, when I naively wondered if I could become a rockwriter without indulging aspects of the ruling counterculture that didn’t interest me (especially the drugs some of my rockcritical idols seemed to favor.)  

Well, I did get aboard at Creem, where I discovered all levels of such indulgence or non-indulgence among my fellows; we were all writers first of all, which is what counted.  By about 1977, I was established as a freelancer at the magazine, yet my profile was almost identical to Chris’s, as outlined in Metroland:  ”Age: Thirty/Married: Yes/Children: One/Job: One/House: Yes/With mortgage: Yes (Rock solid so far/Car: Arguable . . . Prospects: Bloody better be/Happiness: Oh, yes; and if not now, then never.”  As an American, I was of course required by law to own and operate a car at all times — a rather dependable ’69 VW Beetle then —  but otherwise Chris’s list of bourgeois baggage above literally fit all of mine.  The fact that both Julian Barnes and I were born in 1946 probably explains some of the simultaneity. Sorry, Toni, if I’d known of this wonderful novel in 1980, the sense of post-hippy vindication I would have derived from it would have epated you like crazy.

What amazes me now, thinking back forty years, is how simple the bourgeois/hippy choice could be for a guy coming out of college in the late ’60s.  Except for the pesky military draft we Yanks had to put up with at the time, the economic choice was easy.  If you had a bachelor’s degree in anything, it wasn’t hard at all to find a decent-paying, tolerable job; if, instead, you wanted to remain outside the “establishment,” you could essay a bohemian life off the fat of the land without breaking too much sweat.  America, anyway, was still riding on its World War II economic boom in the late ’60s.  That finally began to run down in the ’70s, when I’d already made my bourgeois-writing-for-a-punk-magazine beach landing, and I hate to think about the stark economic choices today’s college graduates have to face.   Those were actually some sweet times in our own Metrolands.  Thanks for reminding me, Julian.  Now I need to score the DVD and see the entire movie version . . .

Learning to Forget

Call me “other-directed” if you like, but my first thought when I read the news that Swiss voters had outlawed the construction of further minarets in their country, wasn’t concern for the apparent bias against Muslims, but rather Jim Morrison’s incisive use of the word “minarets” in the Doors’ “Soul Kitchen.”  Quoth Jim: “Well, your fingers weave quick minarets/Speak in secret alphabets” — It’s a perfect poetic expression of how your beloved’s hand job feels, for my money & thesaurus, and what’s even better is the euphemistic understatement.  Nobody without a metaphorical turn of mind will notice what’s actually going on in the couplet, and easily-offended conservatives won’t be organizing voter initiatives against the further construction of song lyrics employing the term “minarets.”  

But then, it’s no surprise to me to find that sensual triumph in “Soul Kitchen,” as it comes right from the heart of what I still regard as one of the best lineups of Doors’ songs ever, the first part of the first side of their first album: “Break on Through”/”Soul Kitchen”/”The Crystal Ship”/”Twentieth Century Fox”: all quick, punchy songs, all still redolent of the psychic garages the pre-fame Morrison lived in while he was composing them.   “Alabama Song” I don’t mind, even as it trades protopunk for arty, and it is educational; I had no idea who Weill and Brecht were when I first heard this album in 1967.  Then the side ends with “Light My Fire,” probably an okay song as such, but long since ruined for me by its vast overexposure on US radio (sorry, Robby.)  I much prefer “Break on Through” (Elektra’s original pick for the first single from the album, after all, though “Light My Fire” ironically became the “breakthrough” hit) and the other side-leaders I’ve noted above.  They’re much more existential in tone, and that’s a philosophy Morrison himself obviously could’ve used a lot more of.

Which brings me to my message of the day: Next Tuesday, December 8th, Jim Morrison, if he’d managed to cultivate a more significant degree of existentialism early on, would be turning 66.  Whether he’d still be composing incisive songs, or would have sunk to being a judge on American Idol, I don’t know, but I’d be glad to have the big bozo of a dionysus still with us, as I could celebrate Jim’s birthday with him — it’s true, your reporter will turn 63 on that selfsame December 8th.  (Also known as “The Feast of the Immaculate Conception” on the Catholic calendar — go figure.)

With Morrison long gone, rather than keeping his grave clean (a lost cause to the all those Paris-bound vandals by now), I’ve tried to keep our mutual birthday clean of claims by individuals who don’t measure up (IMHO) to its high standards of creativity.   This is my own list of fellow 8th-of-Decemberists I fully approve of: Queen Christina of Sweden (1626); Jean Sibelius (1865); Diego Rivera (1886);  James Thurber (1894); Delmore Schwartz (1913) (Hiya, Uncle Lou!); Jimmy Smith (1925) (the jazz organist, a thousand times Yes!); Jerry Butler (1939); Mary Woronov (1943, same day as Jimbo); Gregg Allman (1947); Sinead O’Connor (1966); Ingrid Michaelson (1979); and a cast of dozens. 

I suppose I shouldn’t be a snob toward the steerage level of December 8th folks, and it could be dangerous for them anyway — some years ago I felt that comic Sam Kinison (1953) was becoming too much of a vulgar loudmouth to share my birthday, and soon after I’d thought that, Kinison was killed in a car crash(!)  Sorry, God, I didn’t mean literally.   However . . .  sometime last year, my darling daughter informed me that she’d noted on the internet that a December 8th birthdate had also been claimed by neoconservative hyperscold Ann Coulter (1961), who’s put the “lunatic” back into “fringe,” in her ever-shriller attacks on us beleagured US liberals in recent years.   Good lord!  At least Sam Kinison (not to mention Jim Morrison and myself) all knew on some level that we were (holy) fools, but Ms. Coulter never seems to look inside herself (or anything else) — that would probably seem decadently French to a neocon media commando of her ilk.  She is wordy, as Our People tend to be, but Aaaarghhh!  Yet I’m still dedicated to the principle of nonviolence in solving problems, so I won’t petition God this time, as I may have inadvertently done with Kinison, instead I’ll confront Ms. Coulter on her own Corporate-capitalism-is–forever! turf.  I’ll just remind her that I owned that December 8th birthday 15 years before she did , and therefore her recent appropriation of the date is a clear case of  trademark infringement, not to mention theft of intellectual property.  That’s the only language these big-business-loving cons understand.  And I’m not greedy, I’m not asking for monetary damages, I’ll be satisfied if Ms. Coulter is ordered by the court to move her birthday off the enshrined December 8th on the calendar –if she’s exiled somewhere to the wilds of July, that will be fine with me.  I think the King of Lizard Kings would agree with me if he were here.  Stay tuned . . .

Meanwhile, I plan to celebrate next Tuesday with all my (deserving) birthday mates around a virtual table.  You’ll recognize Jim Morrison right away, he’s the one who fell face-first into the cake after the first round of drinks.  But, oh, did he write some great songs in his prime!

Here comes (nothing new under) the Sun

Many thanks to Peter Silverton for furnishing the link to Chuck Klosterman’s alternate-universe review of the latest Beatles reissues, which actually conveys several truths about the “real” recordings within its tongue-in-cheekiness. However, in respect to full karmic disclosure, your reporter must point out that he did a rather similar review of the then-current Beatles repackages 36 years ago, as published in the July 1973 issue of Phonograph Record Magazine. Great minds evidently snark alike, to wit:

The Beatles: 1962-1966, 1967-1970 (Apple)
by Richard Riegel

In the rock-reissue coup of the record-publishing season, Capitol has released (on its progressive English subsidiary label, Apple) two double albums of the previously little-heard recordings of the original Beatles. With attractive packaging, thoughtful song selection (coordinated by long-time Beatles Preservation Society president Allen Klein), these Beatles sets have all the qualities any intelligent ex-punk could ask for, and are gonna give Elektra’s Nuggets a real run for the money as the best Sixties reissue of the year.

The Beatles’ history is a classic tragedy of rock and roll: a callous audience, a rhythm guitarist whose eccentricities outweighed his brilliance, five record companies who did not give a hot damn, and, finally, they gave up — and who could blame them? Genuine English mods, from up Liverpool way, the Beatles got their start in 1961 as a back-up for pop phenomenon Tony Sheridan. The Beatles’ first recording, a rousing rock rendition of that exuberant standard “Ain’t She Sweet,” featured Sheridan, and was eventually released on Atco in this country. Unfortunately “Ain’t She Sweet” ain’t included here, due to contractual hassles with Sheridan, who doesn’t want to alienate his current Vegas fans, but you get the idea.

Moving along to band one of album one, you’ll find the fantastic “Love Me Do,” the first composition of the Beatles’ incipient geniuses, rhythm guitarist John Lennon and bassist-vocalist Paul McCartney. Released on Parlophone (with which the Beatles’ hustling manager Brian Epstein had landed a contract), “Love Me Do” did tolerably well in England, but Capitol declined to exercise its first option on EMI material, and “Love Me Do” appeared on the obscure Tollie label in the U.S.. Inadequately promoted, “Love Me Do” made it only to No. 98, and even Tollie didn’t want the next single, a brilliant exposition of frustrated teenage lust, so Vee-Jay picked it up. “Please Please Me” didn’t make it either, despite lead guitarist George Harrison’s slashing chops, and the next single, “She Loves You,” appeared on Swan. (A genuine rare bird, the original 45 of “She Loves You” has been known to fetch up to $100. from latter-day collectords, or “Beatlemaniacs,” as they are sometimes known.) “She Loves You” didn’t even reach the American charts, a failure paradoxical in the face of the monster success of so many other English beat groups during 1963, such as the Nashville Teens, the Honeycombs, and the Moquettes. “She Loves You” proved to be the last Beatles single released in the U.S..

Thus, from 1965 on, the Beatles’ recordings were available only on Parlophone, in severely-limited quantities just sufficient to supply that hardy clique of Beatles fans bucking the general Kinkdom sweeping the British Isles. Among the rarified Lennon-McCartney masterpieces from this fecund period are the poignant folk blues “Yesterday,” the protest anthem “Eight Days a Week” (which described the horrible working conditions of Liverpool longshoremen), the courageously anti-fascist “Paperback Writer,” and that apocalyptic ode to existentialism. “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” all of which are included on the first album of the new set, along with many other esoteric Beatles gems.

Disillusioned by their continued unpopularity, the original Beatles finally broke up in early 1967. John Lennon hung himself, George Harrison entered a Benedictine order, and Ringo Starr accepted a job drumming for Rory Storme and the Hurricanes at 2 pounds more per week than he had made with the Beatles. Paul McCartney chose to stay on in the new group of Beatles handpicked by Epstein to capitalize on the new “psychedelic” style of rock. The new members, John Q. Lenin, Jorge Harrleston, and Richard Starkey, were rather different-looking blokes than the original Beatles, as one can see by comparing the cover photos on these two albums, but, like the replacement husband on Bewitched, not all that different.

Propelled along by McCartney’s characteristic ebullience, the new Beatles recorded a series of psychebaroque singles for Parlophone, including the reverent, neo-Christian “Lady Madonna”; the Stones-like put-down-of-an-aristocratic-bitch, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”; and the searing, heavy-metal “Long and Winding Road.” But the purist fans wouldn’t accept this new group, in spite of its accomplishments, and Parlophone finally dropped the Beatles in 1970. McCartney then married his life-love, actress Jane Asher, and retired to a simple cottage to ponder the injustice of it all. When last heard from, the remaining Beatles, Lenin, Harrleston, and Starkey, were barnstorming the Midlands as a power trio, playing third billing at Screaming Lord Sutch concerts.

Popular or not, the Beatles left a fine legacy of recorded tracks, which you will now have the privilege of hearing at 33 1/3 rpm for the first time, in these superb reissue packages. But would you believe it, someone has already bootlegged the Beatles, in a two-record set in a plain white jacket, an album containing outtakes of some of the numbers represented on the official reissue, along with numerous studio cuts of doubtful parentage. Allen Klein is rightfully incensed, as well he might be, but stick with his collections and you’ll get the real thing!

[Author's Note: This review of "the red and blue albums" generated the first-ever hate mail from a reader in my rockcritical career. He wasn't going to have his sacred Beatles' legend tampered with, no sir! I'd arrived!]

Because the Vandals Stole (His) Handle . . .

I’m sure you’ve all seen the story by now about Bob Dylan getting arrested in Long Branch, New Jersey, the other day, when he was wandering around in a neighborhood there before his concert, and was suspected of vagrancy by a young police officer unfamiliar with his legend. A lot of the news reports about the incident have already checked in with appropriate phrases and puns from Dylan’s songs — “only a hobo,” “like a complete unknown,” etc. — so I want to get my two cents in too, before the next news cycle. Personally I bet Zimmie (who reportedly readily cooperated with the out-of-the-loop cop) was pleasantly surprised not to be recognised, after nearly half-a-century of him playing his Nothing-is-revealed games with the press and public. So I hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes of anonymity, Bob, maybe you’re not a big fish in pop music any longer, but “only a prawn in their game!”

Music-Suggested Images You Just Can’t Get Out of Your Head #’s 12 & 35

Back when MTV was first going great guns around 1982, some of the more uh . . . mature scribes complained that having a particular song identified with the official video would cause rigid interpretations of the song’s scenario. Supposedly listeners wouldn’t have room to compose esoteric videos in their own minds any longer. I didn’t worry about that, as watching MTV was actually fun early on, besides which, I’d already filed a number of likely scenarios to earlier songs in my head, permanently available for retrieval.

I thought about that this afternoon when I happened to catch Dylan’s “Ballad of a Thin Man” on my car radio. I’ve never once racked my brain trying to figure out who the real “Mr. Jones” was, as I’ve always (well, maybe since 1968 or so) known in my mind’s eye that he looks exactly like poet Robert Lowell. That image initially registered with me when I read Norman Mailer’s account of the October 1967 anti-war March on the Pentagon, The Armies of the Night. In all the photos of that day’s events, would-be demonstrator Lowell looks like a classically academic nerd, with no idea what’s going on or why he’s there, unlike the engaged countenances of Mailer and his other comrades. I didn’t know until reading a biography of Lowell years later that he actually was a bit looney around that time, which could account for his blank affect in the photos. Unfair to the chapbook-era poet, perhaps, but as soon as I heard punk poet Dylan snarl “Something is happening here, but you don’t know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?!?” this afternoon, I saw Robert Lowell’s tweedy befuddlement over the shock of the new once more. And I don’t owe any pixel of that image to evil MTV . . .

Lester Bangs at Home

Note: I wrote this mini-memoir for one of the neo-Creem projects of recent years, but it wasn’t used.

By the spring of 1974, I’d been corresponding with Lester Bangs for a year or so, and he’d given me my first-ever paid publication in Creem, a review of Mark Shipper’s Sonics reissue album, in the May 1974 number. My wife, Teresa, who’d heard the name “Lester” mentioned reverently around our apartment dozens of times by now, decided that it was time to move the relationship to the next level, so she embroidered a hippie-crafts cloth patch that said, “LESTER BANGS IS MY IDOL”, and mailed it off to the great man. A few days later, he phoned to thank Teresa, while I was at work at the welfare office, and the two of them had an engaging conversation which culminated in Lester inviting us up to Dee-troit to meet him.

One Saturday in June, we parked our daughter with Grandma and headed our VW Beetle up I-75 to Michigan. The Creem office was closed for the weekend, so we went right to 416 Brown St. in Birmingham, the house Lester shared with several other staffers and friends, in a kind of communal arrangement more hippie than punk — we were still in the early ’70s, after all. Lester turned out to be a very friendly and generous guy, and we felt at ease with him immediately.

We began discussing the rockcritical phenomenon that had brought us together, and I told Lester my plan to do more and more freelance writing, until I’d be earning enough that I could quit the welfare department and write full-time. Lester took all this in, and then snorted with cheerful sarcasm, “There’s no money in rockwriting!! Do you know what I get paid here?!? Eighty-five dollars a week!” I quickly calculated that I was already making about twice that figure as just-another-caseworker. The rockcritical genius who’d given us “James Taylor Marked for Death” and so many other pieces that had ignited my brain for good was worth only $85. a week?!? The climb to writerly independence might be a lot longer than I’d hoped . . .

I got another jolt to the Olympian aura I’d built up around Lester’s master-writer persona when he showed us his bedroom in the Brown Street house — it was a tiny cubicle piled halfway up the walls with stacks of record albums and copies of Penthouse, Oui, Gallery, and all the other glossy sex magazines flourishing at the time. There was just barely room for Lester’s bed among all the media, and I thought, “Man, Lester’s defined the Velvet Underground for the ages, yet he’s hardly got a pot to beat off in . . . I dunno about all this!” Lester seemed ever more cheerful as showed us around his Bukowskian digs.

Back in the living room, he stood before us and announced, “Now listen — a lot of people have been saying I look like Rob Reiner. You two take a good look at me, and tell me, do I really look like Reiner?!?” We stared at Lester’s tall, bulky frame, his shaggy hair, at that luxuriant black mustache, and recognized a reasonable stunt double for Rob Reiner if he ever needed one. But we lied, “Not at all, Lester!” — I wasn’t going to disillusion him further after seeing how he had to sleep alone among those tottering skyscrapers of skin magazines. “Well, you’re my friends then!” Lester exclaimed triumphantly.

It was time for a drink. Lester rounded up housemate Wes Goodwin, then Creem‘s resident cartoonist, and we all piled into the VW and drove to a bar on Woodward Avenue Lester liked. We guys were ordering beers up at the counter while Teresa sat at a table in the dimly-lit interior. The bartender hesitated to serve Teresa, as he thought she might be too young — I assured him that she was all of 26, but he came out from behind the bar to get a better look at her face. He’d gone only a few steps toward her when he shouted, “Oh yeah — she’s okay!” Lester found this on-sight method of age verification totally hilarious, and that and the beer seemed to make his mood even more sanguine.

After dinner on our own, we got back together with Lester and his friends at the Brown Street house, and spent the evening sitting on the couch, discussing the music scene as we watched TV. CBS had a really strong lineup of sitcoms on Saturday evenings then — Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart, All in the Family(!!), and we watched the whole set, which Lester pronounced “The best thing on TV these days.” After the sitcoms and the news, the late movie was the Susan Hayward prison drama I Want to Live, which somehow seemed like the perfect existential coda to our momentous day.

Teresa and I repaired to the Royal Oak motel room we’d rented in the afternoon. It was cheap and vacancy had been no problem, but I began to wonder about its edification quotient when I found a partly-used tube of K-Y Jelly in the drawer of the nightstand. Teresa and I dropped off to sleep, only to be awakened every half-hour on the dot throughout the night, by the same woman’s orgasmic screams from the room next door. Sounded like she had an efficient in-and-out operation going on there.

When we got back together with Lester after breakfast, I advised him of the sexual-commerce-with-sound-effects evidently taking place at our motel, and this revelation made him inordinately happy. He kept talking and laughing about it. This was the season of Lester’s legendary confrontations with his old idol Lou Reed, after all, and I think he welcomed any additional examples of human corruption that would reinforce his cheerfully bleak worldview.

Lester wanted to show us the Creem office before we left town, but he’d lost his keys, and we couldn’t get in, as no one else was there on Sunday morning. Lester considered phoning fellow editor Ben Edmonds to borrow his keys, but finally decided against that, as he seemed nervous about disturbing Ben that early. As a consolation, we simply drove by Creem World Headquarters, and Lester pointed out his window, decorated with the Christmas card his crush Anne Murray had sent him the year before. Driving back to Lester’s house, I saw a billboard for the Michigan Lottery, and told him Ohio was starting a lottery later that summer, from which I hoped to win enough sooner or later to support my fulltime-writer dream — maybe he should give that a try too. “Naw,” said Lester, “I’ve never been lucky with things like that.”

Just before we left, Lester took us down into the basement of his house, to look through his stack of discarded promo albums, and told me to take anything I wanted.  I selected three different Move LP’s, among other castoffs, but when I showed him the recent Dana Gillespie album, he waved his hand and made a face — I left that one there.  Then Lester gave me a copy of Iggy and the Stooges’ Raw Power album as a parting gift — he said he’d had Columbia send him 25 of them when it came out, as he wanted to spread around his belief in the set. We said good-bye to Lester, standing there by his dusty red and black ’67 Camaro with open paperback books littering the dashboard, and headed home to Cincinnati.

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