Songs that were either unwise to begin with, or where events simply overtook them.
1. The Coup – 5 Million Ways To Kill A CEO
The sentiments of this track from Party Music might have been mistimed given the release’s proximity to the 9/11 attacks. The projected cover certainly was.
2. XTC – Mayor of Simpleton
OK. You’re trying to win the girl. The whole song is an open-handed gesture to that effect. So, you sing, ‘I don’t know how to write a big hit song.’ And you’re a professional musician, right? It’s not much of a sales pitch, is it?
3. Nirvana – Come As You Are
Almost too obvious but, yeah, it’s that tragic-comic line about the lack of firearms in Kurt’s immediate vicinity.
4. Angelic Upstarts – Guns for the Afghan Rebels
When Mensi and co wrote this, the Afghans were immersed in a brutal war with the Soviet Union. Unlikely to attract much coinage on the mess hall jukebox in the current climate.
5. DJ Shadow – Why Hip Hop Sucks in ’96.
But M.O.P, Lord Finesse, the Fugees, Foxy Brown, Nas and Jay-Z all dropped in ’96, bro’!
6. Loudon Wainwright III – Rufus Is A Tit Man
Or not, as it would transpire. Kids, eh?
7. David Bowie – Five Years
Of a raft of apocalyptic songs, Bowie’s ‘Five Years’ was among the more prescriptive in predicting when the four horsemen would reach the starting stalls. He wasn’t right of course, but it would have saved us from Tin Machine.
8. The Bags – We Don’t Need The English
A fair enough sentiment from the female LA punk band. One to live down, however, when one of you ends up domiciled in Blighty married to the Damned’s Dave Vanian.
9. Alanis Morissette – Ironic
Irish comedian Ed Byrne does this better than we can. “The only ironic thing about that song is it’s called Ironic and it’s written by a woman who doesn’t know what irony is. That’s quite ironic.”
10. The Smiths – Paint A Vulgar Picture
Morrissey’s revulsion at the music industry’s tacky marketing practices. Morrissey’s new album was released in the following formats: CD, vinyl, download, strictly limited edition deluxe CD, DVD, limited edition featuring exclusive filmed interview . . .
11. 2Pac – Hit ‘em Up
Hating on Biggie came back to bite Shakur big style. Shit ain’t worth losing a testicle over, playa.
12. German Shepherds – Booty Jones
A disturbing song dedicated to kidnapper and child abuser Kenneth Parnell. The prosecution might have had a field day with it as singer Sandy Stark awaited trial for child molestation. Had he not hung himself first.
13. The Who – My Generation
The line ‘hope I die before I get old’ is probably the all time primo example of short-term thinking in popular music.
14. Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five – We Don’t Work For Free
Check your Sugarhill royalty statements, lads.
15. Townes Van Zandt – I’ll Be Here In The Morning
No you won’t.
16. U2 – Sunday Bloody Sunday
How long must you sing this song? Knock yourself out Bono, but if you come out of your own shower that’s a deal-breaker.
17. John Denver – Leaving On A Jet Plane
Well, better that than a single-engine prop.
18. Schoolgirl Bitch – Abusing the Rules
Came horribly true when their bass player was revealed to be the Tesco Bomber.
19. Twisted Sister – You Want What We’ve Got
The IRS certainly did. Dee Snider filed for bankruptcy in the late 90s.
20. System Of A Down – This Cocaine Makes Me Feel Like I’m On This Song
Aside from the more obvious problems with this lyric, it tends to generate some profoundly weird cyber vernacular, i.e. “If you like the sound of This Cocaine Makes Me Feel Like I’m On This Song, please buy the CD to support System Of A Down.” These guys obviously have way too much money already. Of all the arguments against illegal downloading, impoverishing dealers isn’t the industry’s strongest suit.
